Why do we hold on to want others think about our body?

By Glow Circles Member Deb Gutierrez, founder of Solfit Life

Say bye bye to feeling bad about your looks. ~ OPRAH WINFREY

I am the first to admit it is damn hard to not care or worry what others, women, in particular, think about how we look, how we act, and what we post on Social Media. There is no doubt this has an impact on our emotional and mental spirit. To allow another to hold value in our mind  can stop us in our tracks, be a huge distraction from being our best self,  allow our self-perception of how we “should” look create shame, loss of identity and lack of self-empowerment.

As a “fitness professional” I get caught up in this trap often. The self-doubt, fear of judgement, of losing respect because I am not “behaving” as they see me talk about, or fear of rejection because others feel I will judge what they are doing or eating. I understand firsthand the sort of overwhelming sadness which can arise by not being at a place others expect me to be.

Through working with other coaches who have literally saved me from a whirlwind of depression and anxiety I have learned some amazing tools to “Stop Caring What Others Think”.

Work on You, and if they Judge so be it!

This is tough! I am not 100% certain it is completely possible but who gives a shit what they think. It does not serve any purpose to attempt to dictate what someone else should think of you. Let’s face it you will drive yourself nuts, people always think what they are going to think – right or wrong. The key is to detach self from their opinions, this will take some internal work but is worth it to rid of doubt, uncertainty, and emotional head games.

It is not about You! Pity them for the fear they have. 

You have heard this before, in order to not care or place value on the perceived opinion of another know it is really about them. The other person truly only cares about how they look and so in order to shame another person, it is a reflection of the fear and shame they feel about themselves. If someone in your circle continues to be negative and place judgement it would be best to disassociate with them.

Don’t explain or justify your physique to others.

It can be tough to push aside another’s words, justify your actions, or explain why you look the way you do. If you feel you “should” be leaner, stronger, faster or eat as well as someone else you lose your own sense of self. By justifying your body image you are affirming there is something wrong with it. Instead of being in a place where you lack a sense of self, know and reaffirm what your strengths are. You are confident and strong in the fact that you are making steps to be healthy.

Know where you are worthy.

By placing your self-worth on how your body is  viewed and possibly valued by others is going to continue to mess with your emotions and mental wellbeing. I know this is tough, I am my worst enemy when it comes to how I should look. I am graced now with the knowledge that I have the gift, desire and ability to show others how to choose a vibrant, and joyful life as we age in order to experience what we want in life. Through this, I encourage you to detach from your body image and find another place to add value to your life, where you are providing value to others as well. One of the key pieces to this is personal development, journaling and developing a gratitude practice.

Know your goals.

Are you overly concerned with your body because you want to be the leanest or strongest or fittest person in the room? Or do you want to be healthy, and feel good? Get back to the core of why you exercise, and choose to eat well. Know and understand your goals, what you need to do to get there, and create a workable plan. If you get sidetracked here and there, know and understand it does not have to derail you and create an emotional roller coaster ride. Your goals should be focused on you and what brings you joy, and feeling good in your body. When you own your plan and make those choices in alignment with your goal you will feel self-empowered.

We can all be there to lift each other up.

I know it is easy to judge others, and self and then fall into this cycle of insecurity. In my heart, I don’t believe even the most guilty have ill intent. This is due to insecurity, and a desire to want to be our best. To release judgement and find compassion will rid of the shame and fear and in the end, increase our joy and self-confidence.

To learn more about Deb Gutierrez and Solfit Life, click here.