Glow Living

Category: Relationships

  • How to Become a Better Listener: 10 Simple Tips

    How to Become a Better Listener: 10 Simple Tips

    How to Become a Better Listener: 10 Simple Tips

    “I like to listen. I have learned a great deal from listening carefully. Most people never listen.” Ernest Hemingway
    “Nature gave us one tongue and two ears so we could hear twice as much as we speak.” Epictetus

    One social habit that I used to be quite bad at was to truly listen when other people spoke. I sometimes zoned out. I got distracted or my attention started to wander before they were done talking. Or I just waited for my turn to talk again (while thinking about what I should say next). Not very helpful. So things had to change. This week I’d like to share 10 simple tips that helped me – and still helps me – to become a better listener. I hope they will help you and your relationships too.

    1. Keep in mind: Listening is win/win. Many may not listen that well because they think they don’t get much out of it personally. But the better you listen, the better they will listen to you.  And the better and deeper the relationship will be. If you focus on understanding him or her and on giving value based on that then you’ll get the same thing back. This reminder has been a powerful motivator for me to become a better listener.

    2. Tell yourself that you’ll tell someone else about this conversation later on. One of the best ways to remember something better is to know that you are going to tell what you learned to someone else. Then you’ll be more alert, naturally start asking more questions to understand and what is said – in my experience – simply seems to stick better. Plus, you’ll stop focusing so much on what to say next and so the conversation tends to flow better.

    3. Keep the eye-contact. Looking everywhere except at the person talking can make it seem like you are not listening. And then the conversation suffers. So keep the eye-contact. I found it easier to start doing this more often when I:

    • Take it step-by-small-step and improved my eye-contact time in conversations over the span of a few months.
    • Focused my gaze at just one of the other person’s eyes at time.

    4. Keep that smart phone away. Browsing the internet on your phone or your computer while trying to listen usually leads missing some part of the conversation and to the person talking feeling like he or she is not listened to. So put that phone down while listening if you don’t need it to check something or write something down as a part of the conversation.

    5. Summarize what was said. I have found that taking a few seconds to summarize what someone just said – like a longer segment about what happened at work or in a relationship – makes it a lot easier to make sure I’ve understood what happened. As I say that summary out loud the other person can adjust or correct my understanding and so I can add my perspective, thoughts or questions in a better way based on that rather than my assumptions about what happened and of how the other person’s experienced this situation. Or I can take some kind of action based on what they actually meant and not what I thought they meant (for example in a work setting where a misunderstanding could lead to frustration and time lost if you misunderstand).

    6. Ask instead of trying to mind-read. Reading someone’s mind is quite difficult. Most of the time impossible. Still, so many of us have tried to do it and started conversations based on that too many times. So when you feel impulse to assume and mind-read stop that and start being curious and ask open-ended questions. Going for this kind of question instead of the ones where the other person can just answer a yes or a no will help him/her to open up and to start explaining and sharing what is going on.

    7. Get some fresh air and/or exercise. Few things make it so hard to follow along in a conversation as a tired and foggy head. Two things that can keep that energy and mental clarity up are to open a window or to take a walk outside to get both some exercise and some fresh air. Exercising regularly a bit more intensely a few times a week also makes it easier to fully be there when you want to and need to listen.

    8. When you listen, just listen. Don’t interrupt. Don’t jump in with solutions (this one can be a hard one in my experience). Just be present in the moment and listen fully to what the other person has to say and let him or her speak until the entire message is said. Sometimes that is also all that’s needed. For someone to truly listen as we vent for a few minutes and figure things out for ourselves.

    9. Be honest about your current limitations. If you’re in a rush or feel very tired or stressed out let the other person know. If you have listened for long while and your mind has hit its limit and starts to wander and you need a break and maybe something to eat and to process what said as you do something else say that too. It is better for the both of you to be honest and to continue the conversation later then try to fake undivided attention or to try to keep the listening up when you honestly just can’t.

    10. Share what you have done in a similar situation. When asked for advice while listening or when it seems appropriate – not when the other person just needs to vent and get things out – share what you have done in the same situation or a similar one and what worked well for you. That gives a lot more weight to your input than just random advice or opinions about what you think could work.

    by Henrik Edberg from Positivity Blog
  • What do you “deserve”?

    What do you “deserve”?

    Today’s topic is something that holds a lot of people back, especially creatives, and its about the need to raise our standards for what we think we “deserve”. If you have thoughts or reactions that keep you from the things you aspire to, its likely because you don’t think you deserve the outcome deep down.

    Our brains manufacture reasons why we don’t deserve to attract the things we want. They tell us we need more training, we need to lose weight, we aren’t attractive enough, there are people better than us, etc. 

    We can always find people who are seemingly better looking, more successful, more credentialed, and the like. Does that mean we are less worthy to attract the things we want? I don’t think so.

    What it does mean is that we’ve given ourselves justification for not deserving it…and, subsequently, not going for it. Like last week’s theme about not feeling good enough, our brain serves up these road blocks to keep us right where we are, safe and sound.

    Additionally, parents, partners, bosses and other people can reinforce these beliefs because of their own insecurities, whether they knowingly do it or not. Regardless, as adults now, its time to decide on the standards to enforce in our lives. I invite you to raise them from wherever they are right now.

    It’s NEVER a bad thing to RAISE YOUR STANDARDS. Quote me on that! 

    I believe we deserve to attract the things we want simply because we exist and want them. We can help ourselves manifest our desires when we uphold high standards with ourselves and others; take proactive steps towards meeting our goals; and strive to be the best versions of ourselves. 

    In what areas do you think you can raise your standards? What would it take to commit to it and start upholding them? How will it help you meet your goals? What are the costs if you don’t do it?

     

  • Allow People to Align With Your Truth

    Allow People to Align With Your Truth

    The Meme of the Week is “Allow People to Align With Your Truth,” and thought I’d explain what I mean by this. It all starts with aligning to yourself first, meaning acknowledging what you want and need to be happy and fulfilled. Knowing your truth will help you communicate it to those around you so that you can attract the support you need to create a new vision.

    Glowliving_11There are times when we identify something in our lives that isn’t working for us, such as a job or an aspect of a relationship. When this happens, its critical that we prioritize making important changes in these areas so that we can grow and avoid feeling stuck or held back in life. People hold themselves back for a variety of reasons including worrying about what others may think or feeling that they aren’t worthy enough to get what they want. However, holding yourself back will only prove to increase dissatisfaction and reduce levels of fulfillment over time which can lead to bigger problems. 

    You may find yourself less satisfied with your career, and want to go to the next level or jump tracks to another career. This may mean changing your identity and having others accept the new you. Recognizing that a career change is necessary to live your truth takes courage to put into action, and communication to help people understand the significance of supporting you through such big changes. 

    In a relationship, being truthful about your dissatisfaction or need for change can create anxiety about how the other person may respond. This can lead to concerns about consequences related to expressing your needs, and worry that it could lead to anger or abandonment. These consequences may in fact be very real, however, there are consequences for not communicating your needs as well. If our needs are not met over time, it’s easy get depressed and allow resentments to build up. When deep resentments start to weigh down a relationship, its often the kiss of death and you may have to say goodbye any way.

    You may avoid this by giving your partner a chance to align with your truth by letting them know where you really stand. The ball is in their court as to how they react. How they respond will show you how true they are to you and indicate their commitment to supporting and serving your needs at the highest levels. This is what true partnership is about. We grow and change and need partners that are flexible enough to realign while continuing to hold our hands as we walk the same path.

    Standing in your truth shows respect for yourself and demonstrates that you are upholding high standards. It’s always a good thing to have high standards. This is at the core of my advice to people in many situations. Take the high road and give others the opportunity to align to your truth. If they don’t, they may not be ready for reasons that may not have anything to do with you and everything to do with their willingness to grow and to be open to change.

    If you hide your true feelings or project a false self, they will think they are aligning with the true you, and can feel betrayed if you break up under pretenses of which they were unaware. Additionally, you will never have the chance to see if they were capable of making the adjustments necessary to preserve the relationship.

    Consider starting with recognizing and accepting your own truth about what you need and want in your life, then give those around you the opportunity to align and support you. If they don’t, its their loss, and if they do, you win! Either way, you can rest in a deep assurance that you are following what’s true to you and in your heart.