Tag: self love

  • When You Feel Pulled to the Dark Side

    When You Feel Pulled to the Dark Side

    When You Feel Pulled to the Dark Side
    By Chandra Lynn

    I remember a time when I was having a particularly difficult time processing a breakup and I went to see a therapist. I went in telling him all the things I did to make the relationship work and all the things I was going to do to heal myself. And in the way that therapists do, he looked at me and asked “what would happen if you just stopped and did nothing?” The prospect of not doing anything didn’t feel comfortable at all and the question actually infuriated me. I was looking for answers and solutions, not to not do anything! depression

    Decades later, I became friends with my yoga teacher and she said she noticed I was fidgety in the mediation part of the class and I acknowledged that it wasn’t my favorite part. I suppose I’m a “doer”. Well I’ve come to the conclusion now that I don’t like how it feels when I just sit with myself. My thoughts aren’t always empowering and my emotions can turn dark like a storm that blows in unexpectedly. The dark side has always had a magnetic pull that I’ve tried to resist.

    Today, someone asked if its possible that I’ve been silently or unknowingly battling depression all of my life. Looking back, I suppose its possible. And its possible that I am still reckoning with it, but its been such a familiar state that I don’t know the difference. My life has been a quest for tools and strategies to manage this state as positively as possible. I have not mastered it entirely, but if you can relate, I have some very powerful tools to share with you that can certainly help without prescription drugs. Boy do I wish I could just pop a pill every day and feel like this is the most amazing life ever lived, but I’m resistant to doing that because of the chemical dependency and side effects.

    Through Glow Living, I will describe all the things that have worked for me and that I’ve learned from others about emotional mastery, managing thoughts, self-love, and being the best person you can be in relationships with others. Join me on this journey by following my posts and sharing your experiences.

  • The 5 Disciplines of Love

    The 5 Disciplines of Love

    How To Create Your Ultimate Relationship

    From TonyRobbins.com

    Valentine’s Day might be over, but cultivating passion in your relationship should be an ongoing adventure. A sexy, exciting partnership takes focus and dedication to create — and it will light up every part of your life.

    Whether you’re single or committed, these 5 Disciplines of Love will help you create a relationship full of earth-shaking excitement, joy and passion.

    1. The Discipline of Unconditional Love & Compassion
    Always put your lover first—it’s not about you! When you fully develop the skill of heartfelt understanding, you become conscious of your partner’s inner life. Rather than being an observer and critic, you feel what they feel and you will discover the deepest pleasure in your relationship—sexual and otherwise.

    2. The Discipline of Absolute Courage & Vulnerability
    Love no matter what and commit to absolute truth. Be present for your lover even during the most painful situations. Don’t just be physically present, be fully present– giving your lover your undivided focus. Any time you lose trust, interest or commitment, you drift closer to behaviors of criticism and rejection. Stay connected! Cultivate your commitment the way you would a precious flower. Your relationship will flourish no matter what your life circumstances may be.

    3. The Discipline of Knowing the Truth
    Here’s the truth: It’s a no-blame game. There’s an art to expressing mild upset without creating bigger problems. When you let something bother you, your partner will feel blamed. However, when something goes wrong, you must express yourself spontaneously, and from the heart. It’s crucial you set the context carefully for anything you share. Remember to use phrases that avoid blame.

    4. The Discipline of Telling Yourself the Truth
    Commit to moment-to-moment awareness of the impact of your state. If the basis of trust is confidence in your partner, then you must begin with confidence in yourself. Without it, you cannot induce lasting trust in others. When you can be yourself, others will perceive that and build trust in you. Hold true to the generosity of your highest intentions.

    5. The Discipline of Giving Freedom
    The power of forgiving, forgetting and flooding. Why drag along the baggage of past mistakes? Whenever we have painful experiences, we can learn from them or use them to punish ourselves or others. People often blame their partners for past misdeeds. If you want passion, set your partner free. See their mistake from their perspective. Consciously harness the good in life to bring greater pleasure and intimacy.

  • Transformations Take Serious Commitment to Yourself

    Transformations Take Serious Commitment to Yourself

    Transformations Take Serious Commitment…And Are Worth It!
    By Chandra Lynn

    I was raised by a very petite mom and, although I’m small too, I always felt bigger as in thicker or, dare I say, fatter. Although I’ve never been grossly overweight, I carried around the belief that made me refer to myself as the “10 pound overweight girl.” Being the perfect weight and size always seemed just out of reach despite going to the gym and trying different diets that seemed to work for my friends. After having a baby, negative self-talk increased and turned into serious frustration with my body, as if it was separate from me and working against me.

    I felt doughy and full, a quality that a macrobiotic counselor said was from eating dairy. Legitimately, I had eaten a lot of dairy in my life because I was raised vegetarian and it became the substitute for meat. When served vegetarian food, it was always a combination of carbs and dairy (i.e. cheese lasagna, cheese enchiladas, cheese sandwich, etc.). So I cut out all dairy for eight years, got rid of my microwave, and learned how to cook with whole foods and no dairy.

    In truth, I saw some improvement and the puffy quality died down. But, I still felt like I had a higher percentage of body fat than I wanted so I decided to get even more serious and turned to weight training. In the past, I would do yoga and force myself to do cardio, but it just seemed like enough to maintain, not transform. I decided in myself that it was no longer acceptable to despise my body and turn against myself by allowing a negative inner critic to let loose. It just wasn’t working and would trigger depressive episodes of self-loathing. Honestly, I couldn’t understand what was going on with me because it didn’t seem right to do this to myself when I knew men were attracted to me and I was beautiful…not like a model but pretty in my own unique way.

    Enough was enough and I decided to open myself up to working out much more vigorously. I made the scary trek over to the free weights area of the gym and started talking to people that were all much nicer and more helpful than I could have imagined.

    I realized that I really needed a program to follow and didn’t want to spend more money on a trainer because my gym membership is fairly pricey. So I turned to bodybuilding.com and signed up for a free account on their social platform Bodyspace (find me: GlowChandra) which gave me access to some amazing programs put together by fitness models, athletes, champion bodybuilders, and expert trainers.

    On Bodyspace, I saw a lot of average people achieving amazing results. If they could do, so can I. jamie-eason-live-fitI started with Jamie Eason’s Livefit Trainer, a 12-week program which is great for beginners. Jamie is a petite fitness model who is the same height as me so it seemed like a good match. And it was. After completing that successfully, I realized that consistency is the key and that I will spend the rest of my life on a program of one kind or another.

    I went on to do Dr. Jim Stoppani’s Shortcut to Shred a few times and now I’m doing Dymatize Transformed. In addition to these programs, I have continued doing yoga and they are perfectly complementary. I’ve also added H.I.I.T. (High-Intensity Interval) Training. I’ve also added back some dairy for protein, so I eat eggs, whey, Greek yogurt and cottage cheese. I eat some cheeses on occasion but try to stick with low-fat ones like parmesan and manchego.

    jim-stoppani-six-week-shortcut-to-shredThere are endless topics to explore related to health, fitness and nutrition so you can read more about this in future posts. For guidance on what to eat while training, read my post to help you figure out your calorie intake and macros. You can also read about how transformative my yoga practice has been for me.

    What I will leave you with is a general understanding of what all this effort has done for me. I have changed my body a lot. I’ve sculpted it to have more muscle definition and less body fat. And through this emotional process that involves mental and physical exercises, I have come away with a strengthened self-esteem and diminished self-talk. I look more youthful and rarely get sick. I catch a glimpse in the mirror and still wish I had less cellulite, a higher, rounder booty, and longer limbs, but I am really proud of myself and think I look the best I have in my entire life. I am no longer the 10-pound overweight girl. I’m a workout warrior that is motivated to keep transforming myself to glow inside and out.

    BEFORE:

    CL 38 weeks sm copy

    AFTER:

    More resources:

    Bodybuilding.com

    Jim Stoppani’s Official Page

    Jim Stoppani’s 6 Week Shortcut To Shred Review by CheckMeOwt