When You Feel Pulled to the Dark Side
By Chandra Lynn
I remember a time when I was having a particularly difficult time processing a breakup and I went to see a therapist. I went in telling him all the things I did to make the relationship work and all the things I was going to do to heal myself. And in the way that therapists do, he looked at me and asked “what would happen if you just stopped and did nothing?” The prospect of not doing anything didn’t feel comfortable at all and the question actually infuriated me. I was looking for answers and solutions, not to not do anything! 
Decades later, I became friends with my yoga teacher and she said she noticed I was fidgety in the mediation part of the class and I acknowledged that it wasn’t my favorite part. I suppose I’m a “doer”. Well I’ve come to the conclusion now that I don’t like how it feels when I just sit with myself. My thoughts aren’t always empowering and my emotions can turn dark like a storm that blows in unexpectedly. The dark side has always had a magnetic pull that I’ve tried to resist.
Today, someone asked if its possible that I’ve been silently or unknowingly battling depression all of my life. Looking back, I suppose its possible. And its possible that I am still reckoning with it, but its been such a familiar state that I don’t know the difference. My life has been a quest for tools and strategies to manage this state as positively as possible. I have not mastered it entirely, but if you can relate, I have some very powerful tools to share with you that can certainly help without prescription drugs. Boy do I wish I could just pop a pill every day and feel like this is the most amazing life ever lived, but I’m resistant to doing that because of the chemical dependency and side effects.
Through Glow Living, I will describe all the things that have worked for me and that I’ve learned from others about emotional mastery, managing thoughts, self-love, and being the best person you can be in relationships with others. Join me on this journey by following my posts and sharing your experiences.
