Glow Living

Tag: Relationships

  • Finding Freedom in Lifelong Friendships

    Finding Freedom in Lifelong Friendships

    Have you ever caught up with a friend after years of being apart, but everything falls into place and it’s as though no time had passed between you? Nothing feels better than the love and understanding of an old friend. The nature of our friendships is really interesting because we often prioritize them after our romantic partners, parents and children. We tend to them when we have the time. We have times of year—holidays and celebrations—that bring family together in an organized way. But the time we spend with our friends is completely voluntary.

    Regardless of our age, we expect the same things from our close friends: someone to talk to, someone to depend on and someone to enjoy. Throughout the course of our lives friendships give us so much more, including both mental and physical benefits. This grows even more important as we age.

    Young Adulthood: Collecting Friends and Forming Families

    Young adulthood is when we begin to form our strongest friendships. We have the luxury of time. We are also seeking our identity through our friendships. Did your mother ever tell you that you’d be known by the company you keep?

    Once we move into romantic relationships and form our own households, friendships really take a hit. It can take weeks to make a date for a drink and days to return a phone call. Many people lose touch with those friends in their younger life and find friendship in the parents of kids in their children’s class or in their neighborhood. Maintaining old friendships feels like more work than play at this time of our lives—though commiserating with other parents can be a bonding experience.

    This period can be really difficult for people who don’t marry. They often feel the loss of friendship most keenly and work the hardest to maintain those relationships. Midlife can be particularly hard on our friendships as we manage our careers, older children and the care for elderly loved ones. After all, it is much easier to cancel a drink with a friend than it is to miss a school play or a doctor’s appointment with your mom.

    Empty Nest, Full Friendships

    And then something very profound happens—our households empty and we are suddenly free to reconnect, socialize and explore in ways we couldn’t before. As we get older, we tend to favor experiences more, so spending time with close friends becomes a priority and adds to our overall wellbeing and sense of happiness. The good thing about digital media is that we have more ways to find people we have lost touch with.

    Interestingly, by midlife we’ve collected a lot of different types of friends—work friends, neighbors, parents of our kids’ friends, people from our childhoods and many more. Friendship researchers categorize them as active friendships, dormant friendships (friends we have history with but haven’t seen for some time) and commemorative friendships (such as your summer friend from eighth grade Girl Scout camp). Interestingly, many of our online friendships tend to fall into the commemorative category.

    Sorting Out Our Friendships

    It’s the dormant relationships that we can revive for the most rewarding friendships at this point in our lives. Reconnecting can be powerful and shared memories can be so much fun. As we become the most authentic version of ourselves, we can make our friendships deeper, richer and more intentional. As we become more aware of what makes us happy, we also tend to let go of friendships that don’t have the same richness. Or we simply want out of the drama that some relationships bring into our lives. The beautiful thing is, that’s ok.

    Fewer close friends can be far more rewarding than a huge group of people with no real intimacy and history. That’s where you find those beautiful moments when you both remember the same old funny story or finish each other’s sentences. When we feel needed, cared for and happy, it has positive effects on our physical and mental health. That is why working our way out of drama-filled, negative relationships is so important and freeing!

    Give yourself a gift today. Call an old friend or reach out on social media. Make a connection that you’ve been meaning to make!

     

    Content provided the Silvernest Blog.

  • Fathers, what will be your legacy?

    Fathers, what will be your legacy?

    Fathers, what will be your legacy?
    By Chandra Lynn

    Whether you are a father, have a father or admire someone who is a father, you will probably agree that it is a challenging role. A father is someone who provides to the best of their abilities, and often makes personal sacrifices for the support of others.

    dadsdayfinal2Sometimes the fathers are also mothers and mothers have to take on the role of fathers, depending on what their kids need at the time. Its an interplay between masculine and feminine energies. Sometimes we are masculine father and are the giver, provider, and boundary setter. Other times we are the feminine mother and take on the role of receiver, nurturer and soft place to land.

    We honor everyone who fathers and wields both masculine and feminine energy to give their children the complete care that they deserve.

    There are traditional values associated with what a father provides, and there are unique things that each individual wants to contribute to their offspring. I invite you to think about what you want to be known for by those you parent. When they describe you to someone else, what do you want them to have received from you? When you are gone, what will they remember? What will be your legacy?

    Use the comments below to share your intentions to inspire others.

    Happy Father’s Day!!

  • When You Feel Pulled to the Dark Side

    When You Feel Pulled to the Dark Side

    When You Feel Pulled to the Dark Side
    By Chandra Lynn

    I remember a time when I was having a particularly difficult time processing a breakup and I went to see a therapist. I went in telling him all the things I did to make the relationship work and all the things I was going to do to heal myself. And in the way that therapists do, he looked at me and asked “what would happen if you just stopped and did nothing?” The prospect of not doing anything didn’t feel comfortable at all and the question actually infuriated me. I was looking for answers and solutions, not to not do anything! depression

    Decades later, I became friends with my yoga teacher and she said she noticed I was fidgety in the mediation part of the class and I acknowledged that it wasn’t my favorite part. I suppose I’m a “doer”. Well I’ve come to the conclusion now that I don’t like how it feels when I just sit with myself. My thoughts aren’t always empowering and my emotions can turn dark like a storm that blows in unexpectedly. The dark side has always had a magnetic pull that I’ve tried to resist.

    Today, someone asked if its possible that I’ve been silently or unknowingly battling depression all of my life. Looking back, I suppose its possible. And its possible that I am still reckoning with it, but its been such a familiar state that I don’t know the difference. My life has been a quest for tools and strategies to manage this state as positively as possible. I have not mastered it entirely, but if you can relate, I have some very powerful tools to share with you that can certainly help without prescription drugs. Boy do I wish I could just pop a pill every day and feel like this is the most amazing life ever lived, but I’m resistant to doing that because of the chemical dependency and side effects.

    Through Glow Living, I will describe all the things that have worked for me and that I’ve learned from others about emotional mastery, managing thoughts, self-love, and being the best person you can be in relationships with others. Join me on this journey by following my posts and sharing your experiences.

  • Grow and Deepen Your Inner Circle of Friends

    Grow and Deepen Your Inner Circle of Friends

    Grow and Deepen Your Inner Circle of Friends
    By Chandra Lynn

    Having worked in music marketing my entire career, my friendships have been with people who largely live outside of my area. Because other aspects of my life were so busy, I didn’t have much time to nourish my local relationships, and honestly, I didn’t know whether I could meet people nearby that I resonated with. After I had a baby 10 years ago, and decided to work from home, I started to feel the need for local friends. I could see the appeal of having somewhere to go, like on the TV show Cheers (but not at a bar), to connect with people. But I needed a like-minded tribe.

    Once I started feeling the need for close personal relationships with local friends, I opened up to the possibility of meeting people through yoga and the gym, and also reconnecting with friends that I met in past jobs, school, and in my younger years. The amazing thing was how many quality souls were also open to connecting and forming new friendships.

    After years of going to the gym and not meeting anyone, I met a small group of women in my yoga class that changed my life dramatically. We not only did yoga, we found ways to connect and get to know each other. We connected about health and fitness, intimate relationships, and helped each other find our passions in our careers and in the artistic world. We supported each other through divorces, career changes, child-rearing issues and much more. We also learned how to have fun together with trips to hot springs, yoga workshops, frivolous photo shoots, and girl’s nights out. Some of us gather to create women’s circles where we explore topics such as spirituality, personal growth, rituals and other things that support our lives in reaching our goals and potential.

    Now, instead of going to bars to party, we look forward to our circles and our fun times together, and we don’t need alcohol to have fun. Don’t get me wrong, we’re known to throw back bottles of champagne, but we don’t need it to feel high on anything but the connection that we have in the deep love and support that we bring to each other’s lives.

    shaktiI call this close circle of friends my Shakti Sisters. They know who they are and how much they mean to me because we don’t live in the land of the unspoken. We tell each other what we mean to our lives and actively plan time to spend together because we desire the connection and how much we can learn from each other’s differences and core competencies.

    If you would like to cultivate a close circle of friends like this, I recommend the following:

    Open yourself up to the possibility that the woman standing next to you in yoga class, at the supermarket, or picking kids up from school could be your new bestie. Obviously not everyone is going to connect at that high of a frequency. However, it starts with you being open to the possibility and attracting new friends.

    Ask them a question about themselves to show your interest. How they answer will tell you a lot about them. Through a dialogue with them, you can sense their energy and whether they are somebody that you would like to learn more about.

    pyramidIf this new acquaintance seems interesting, invite them to coffee or happy hour to discuss something you have in common, like yoga, your kids, your careers, or other hobbies.

    Follow up quickly to set a time and have a relaxed approach to the experience. They may or may not be somebody that you’ll want to keep in touch with after the initial meeting. But if they are, you can connect through social media and invite them to events or other things that you think they may be interested in.

    Friendships take time to build and some people are more open than others. And if they can’t make a meeting, it may be that they are super busy even though they do want to get to know you. So try again. But if they seem like they’re too busy for you after a couple offers then they are not in the same place with welcoming new friends and allocating time for them as a priority.

    One of the most amazing experiences with this has been the women that I’ve met through other women. Many times when you really connect with someone, they have friends that are also like-minded and may even connect with you on a deeper level than the person that you met through. So check out their friend groups by participating in things that they invite you to as well.

    friendsI always suggest new friends discuss some things that are normally a bit unspoken, like how often they are available to stay connected. Sometimes they want to text all the time and sometimes they only can meet with you a couple times a week and use texting just to confirm logistics. Everyone has personal preferences for how they’d like to communicate and how much time they have to spend. It’s important to honor that and also be clear in your communication about your own preferences. This safeguards the relationship from communication problems down the road because each person knows what to expect and the best ways to communicate with each other.

    Romantic relationships and jobs come and go, but true friends will stand by you as witnesses and supporters for your entire life. If you do the work of communicating properly, nurturing a relationship, staying connected, and keeping the give and take balance in check, your friendships can offer the most fun, supportive and enlightening experiences of your life.

  • The 51% Rule

    The 51% Rule

    The 51% Rule – Boundaries are Your Friend

    By Chandra Lynn

    A friend reminded me today of my 51% rule. Have you ever felt like you are doing more to help your partner then they are to help themselves? Sometimes it just seems easier to take control and get things done on your own than ask your partner to do their part. And they may be completely happy with having you take care of business. But after all while, you may find that you lead in all ways in the relationship, and start feeling overwhelmed and tired of being the one to handle everything.

    To prevent this from happening, I recommend each partner agree to carry A MINIMUM OF 51% of the work load on their end. When someone is doing AT LEAST 51% of the work for their own life, things will stay more balanced. Helping somebody with 49% of their work is still a lot when it comes to managing someone else’s stuff. I could even argue that is too high of a percentage. However, if someone needs you to help them with an area of their life, and you are feeling happy to do it, consider making sure they understand that you will only take on a maximum of 49% of the tasks that need to be accomplished.

    I learned this the hard way. I saw a former partner struggling with his career, so I jumped into immediate action. Being a fledgling marketing consultant, I was actually excited to put my skills to work for him. Without him asking me, I built him all the marketing materials that he needed to present himself in a more professional way. At the end of it, he was grateful but didn’t really leverage it to the extent that I had hoped. I could see that the struggles in his career had more to do with his ambition then it had to do with his ability to present him self in a professional way. As a result, even with the new materials, he did not apply himself, and I felt like all the work I did to support him was for nothing. I distinctly remember going to a diner and telling him that I needed to see him doing at least 51% of the work to reach his goals for his life. And, I would be happy to do whatever I could to support him, but I needed to see him applying himself more than I was putting in to help him.

    Jumping in to help a partner is a noble thing, but I can also enable bad behavior in your partner. There is nothing wrong with being supportive, but you have to be careful with behaviors that lead them to where you think is best for them before they have even asked for help.

    The friend who reminded me of this was looking back at her life and realizing that she has always done the majority of the work in the relationship, and her partner was happy to have her do it. However, he started taking advantage of the fact that she provided so much with little appreciation or awareness of the effort involved.

    If you feel overwhelmed with all that you have to do for yourself, your partner, your kids and other people in your life, ask yourself whether you feel your partner is stepping up to their full potential and supporting you in the way that you need them to. If they’re not and you’re enabling them to kick back, please consider that your standards are not high enough for yourself in terms of expecting a partner to do their share. Ask specifically for what you need from them, and make sure you get their agreement before creating new expectations that they will deliver.

    Everyone needs to feel useful, needed, purposeful and that they bring value to a relationship. This post is to remind you that you can do this by supporting your partner and those around you, as long as you set healthy boundaries and set reasonable expectations with your partner to do a minimum of 51% of the work in their own life.

  • Updating Your Intimacy Ladder

    Updating Your Intimacy Ladder

    Where Are Your Friends on Your Intimacy Ladder?
    By Chandra Lynn

    Have you ever had a bestie that you talked to you almost every day and now you’re not as close to as you used to be? That disconnection can cause you pain and make you question the relationship and what you mean to them now (and vice versa). There are lots of reasons why our relationships with our friends change over time. Sometimes we come together when we’re single and have lots of time to invest in each other, and then one gets into a relationship that soaks up their available time. Sometimes it’s hard to invest while juggling a job, kids, romantic relationship and more, leaving less time for friends.

    This is all understandable, but the problem lies in not communicating the change of expectations in the relationship. We can take friends for granted, thinking that they’ll just be there when we have time. But actually, it can be hurtful to friends when we’re there one minute and disappear the next. Some friends are casual about it and it feels like no time has passed after not seeing each other for a long period of time. Other friends get really hurt by our lack of availability and can feel abandoned. You may have felt this way too and can relate.

    This happens a lot when two single people spend a lot of time together and one gets into a relationship and is no longer available. The single friend is still as available as (s)he always was though and needs to be reassured that your need for change doesn’t diminish what they mean to you.

    It’s totally natural for a relationship to go through changes, but it really helps when you lead a discussion about the change and seek to create a renewed agreement about the basis of the friendship and what each of you can offer, including time commitments. How possible is it to check in every day, week, month or year?

    There are a couple of things that you can do to prevent degradation in the relationship. The first thing is to communicate verbally or in writing what that person truly means to you and what they’ve given to your life. That provides them reassurance that they are valuable to you and you don’t want them to disappear from your life and you don’t plan to event abandon them in any way, shape, or form.

    The second thing that you can do is consider changing their status on your relationship ladder. For years, you could have thought of them as your number one friend and placed them on the very top of your relationship ladder. Then, all of a sudden, they are no longer available to you the way they were due to life circumstances, and you feel hurt. What can you do? You can consider changing their status on your ladder. Moving a friend down a couple of rungs on the ladder does not mean that you don’t care about them anymore. It means that you change the expectations for that friendship and adjust them to meet the current status based on what’s going on in life. When you feel hurt, it’s easy to think of just throwing a friend off the ladder entirely, but it’s really not necessary in most cases. Unless a friend has intentionally hurt you or intended you harm, all you really need to do is lower them a couple of rungs on the ladder while both of you are doing your own thing, and check-in with them from time to time to see if they want to update the blueprint for the relationship.

    Sometimes, you have to jockey more than one friend’s position on your ladder. There are occasions in life where you reach a point that older friendships are outdated and just not serving you to lift your highest potential. There is nothing wrong with this, and it should actually be embraced as a healthy part of evaluating the value of your relationships, and how much you’ve grown and evolved.

    One of my very best friends from high school has moved around on my ladder to the point where she’s probably touched every rung. There were times that we were inseparable and there were years that we never talked at all. I’m happy to say that we see each other on a regular basis now. What kept us connected all these years is consistent communication of a mutual desire to stay connected even when time goes by and we can’t see each other.

    I have another bestie that I’ve known since the sixth grade and she lives in another state. We’ve spent more time apart then together. We managed to stay connected and now consider ourselves to become full-fledge sisters. We flew across the country to see each other during crisis times and for major celebrations like graduation. We sent cards when snail mail became practically obsolete. We are even connected on a psychic level now.

    If a relationship with a friend isn’t working, consider changing their status on your relationship ladder instead of throwing them off entirely. You connected with them for some reason initially, and you may find them valuable in your friend circle once your expectations are adjusted. With that said, there are times when a relationship is not healthy and should be let go. Consider the most graceful exit you can under those circumstances and always take the high road.

    My friends have meant everything to me and I fostered those relationships over many many years. Although I don’t actively seek friends, I am open to new connections that resonate on a higher vibration and they are being attracted. I love my friends and will do everything to protect and preserve these precious connections, starting with communicating what I want out of the relationship and seeking agreements about what to expect from one another which informs where we are on each other’s ladder. I also invite them to let me know if my expectations need to change, and I make sure they know what’s in my heart.

    Who is on your ladder and is the current status working for you, or does it need a little adjusting?

  • The 5 Disciplines of Love

    The 5 Disciplines of Love

    How To Create Your Ultimate Relationship

    From TonyRobbins.com

    Valentine’s Day might be over, but cultivating passion in your relationship should be an ongoing adventure. A sexy, exciting partnership takes focus and dedication to create — and it will light up every part of your life.

    Whether you’re single or committed, these 5 Disciplines of Love will help you create a relationship full of earth-shaking excitement, joy and passion.

    1. The Discipline of Unconditional Love & Compassion
    Always put your lover first—it’s not about you! When you fully develop the skill of heartfelt understanding, you become conscious of your partner’s inner life. Rather than being an observer and critic, you feel what they feel and you will discover the deepest pleasure in your relationship—sexual and otherwise.

    2. The Discipline of Absolute Courage & Vulnerability
    Love no matter what and commit to absolute truth. Be present for your lover even during the most painful situations. Don’t just be physically present, be fully present– giving your lover your undivided focus. Any time you lose trust, interest or commitment, you drift closer to behaviors of criticism and rejection. Stay connected! Cultivate your commitment the way you would a precious flower. Your relationship will flourish no matter what your life circumstances may be.

    3. The Discipline of Knowing the Truth
    Here’s the truth: It’s a no-blame game. There’s an art to expressing mild upset without creating bigger problems. When you let something bother you, your partner will feel blamed. However, when something goes wrong, you must express yourself spontaneously, and from the heart. It’s crucial you set the context carefully for anything you share. Remember to use phrases that avoid blame.

    4. The Discipline of Telling Yourself the Truth
    Commit to moment-to-moment awareness of the impact of your state. If the basis of trust is confidence in your partner, then you must begin with confidence in yourself. Without it, you cannot induce lasting trust in others. When you can be yourself, others will perceive that and build trust in you. Hold true to the generosity of your highest intentions.

    5. The Discipline of Giving Freedom
    The power of forgiving, forgetting and flooding. Why drag along the baggage of past mistakes? Whenever we have painful experiences, we can learn from them or use them to punish ourselves or others. People often blame their partners for past misdeeds. If you want passion, set your partner free. See their mistake from their perspective. Consciously harness the good in life to bring greater pleasure and intimacy.

  • How to Become a Better Listener: 10 Simple Tips

    How to Become a Better Listener: 10 Simple Tips

    How to Become a Better Listener: 10 Simple Tips

    “I like to listen. I have learned a great deal from listening carefully. Most people never listen.” Ernest Hemingway
    “Nature gave us one tongue and two ears so we could hear twice as much as we speak.” Epictetus

    One social habit that I used to be quite bad at was to truly listen when other people spoke. I sometimes zoned out. I got distracted or my attention started to wander before they were done talking. Or I just waited for my turn to talk again (while thinking about what I should say next). Not very helpful. So things had to change. This week I’d like to share 10 simple tips that helped me – and still helps me – to become a better listener. I hope they will help you and your relationships too.

    1. Keep in mind: Listening is win/win. Many may not listen that well because they think they don’t get much out of it personally. But the better you listen, the better they will listen to you.  And the better and deeper the relationship will be. If you focus on understanding him or her and on giving value based on that then you’ll get the same thing back. This reminder has been a powerful motivator for me to become a better listener.

    2. Tell yourself that you’ll tell someone else about this conversation later on. One of the best ways to remember something better is to know that you are going to tell what you learned to someone else. Then you’ll be more alert, naturally start asking more questions to understand and what is said – in my experience – simply seems to stick better. Plus, you’ll stop focusing so much on what to say next and so the conversation tends to flow better.

    3. Keep the eye-contact. Looking everywhere except at the person talking can make it seem like you are not listening. And then the conversation suffers. So keep the eye-contact. I found it easier to start doing this more often when I:

    • Take it step-by-small-step and improved my eye-contact time in conversations over the span of a few months.
    • Focused my gaze at just one of the other person’s eyes at time.

    4. Keep that smart phone away. Browsing the internet on your phone or your computer while trying to listen usually leads missing some part of the conversation and to the person talking feeling like he or she is not listened to. So put that phone down while listening if you don’t need it to check something or write something down as a part of the conversation.

    5. Summarize what was said. I have found that taking a few seconds to summarize what someone just said – like a longer segment about what happened at work or in a relationship – makes it a lot easier to make sure I’ve understood what happened. As I say that summary out loud the other person can adjust or correct my understanding and so I can add my perspective, thoughts or questions in a better way based on that rather than my assumptions about what happened and of how the other person’s experienced this situation. Or I can take some kind of action based on what they actually meant and not what I thought they meant (for example in a work setting where a misunderstanding could lead to frustration and time lost if you misunderstand).

    6. Ask instead of trying to mind-read. Reading someone’s mind is quite difficult. Most of the time impossible. Still, so many of us have tried to do it and started conversations based on that too many times. So when you feel impulse to assume and mind-read stop that and start being curious and ask open-ended questions. Going for this kind of question instead of the ones where the other person can just answer a yes or a no will help him/her to open up and to start explaining and sharing what is going on.

    7. Get some fresh air and/or exercise. Few things make it so hard to follow along in a conversation as a tired and foggy head. Two things that can keep that energy and mental clarity up are to open a window or to take a walk outside to get both some exercise and some fresh air. Exercising regularly a bit more intensely a few times a week also makes it easier to fully be there when you want to and need to listen.

    8. When you listen, just listen. Don’t interrupt. Don’t jump in with solutions (this one can be a hard one in my experience). Just be present in the moment and listen fully to what the other person has to say and let him or her speak until the entire message is said. Sometimes that is also all that’s needed. For someone to truly listen as we vent for a few minutes and figure things out for ourselves.

    9. Be honest about your current limitations. If you’re in a rush or feel very tired or stressed out let the other person know. If you have listened for long while and your mind has hit its limit and starts to wander and you need a break and maybe something to eat and to process what said as you do something else say that too. It is better for the both of you to be honest and to continue the conversation later then try to fake undivided attention or to try to keep the listening up when you honestly just can’t.

    10. Share what you have done in a similar situation. When asked for advice while listening or when it seems appropriate – not when the other person just needs to vent and get things out – share what you have done in the same situation or a similar one and what worked well for you. That gives a lot more weight to your input than just random advice or opinions about what you think could work.

    by Henrik Edberg from Positivity Blog
  • Allow People to Align With Your Truth

    Allow People to Align With Your Truth

    The Meme of the Week is “Allow People to Align With Your Truth,” and thought I’d explain what I mean by this. It all starts with aligning to yourself first, meaning acknowledging what you want and need to be happy and fulfilled. Knowing your truth will help you communicate it to those around you so that you can attract the support you need to create a new vision.

    Glowliving_11There are times when we identify something in our lives that isn’t working for us, such as a job or an aspect of a relationship. When this happens, its critical that we prioritize making important changes in these areas so that we can grow and avoid feeling stuck or held back in life. People hold themselves back for a variety of reasons including worrying about what others may think or feeling that they aren’t worthy enough to get what they want. However, holding yourself back will only prove to increase dissatisfaction and reduce levels of fulfillment over time which can lead to bigger problems. 

    You may find yourself less satisfied with your career, and want to go to the next level or jump tracks to another career. This may mean changing your identity and having others accept the new you. Recognizing that a career change is necessary to live your truth takes courage to put into action, and communication to help people understand the significance of supporting you through such big changes. 

    In a relationship, being truthful about your dissatisfaction or need for change can create anxiety about how the other person may respond. This can lead to concerns about consequences related to expressing your needs, and worry that it could lead to anger or abandonment. These consequences may in fact be very real, however, there are consequences for not communicating your needs as well. If our needs are not met over time, it’s easy get depressed and allow resentments to build up. When deep resentments start to weigh down a relationship, its often the kiss of death and you may have to say goodbye any way.

    You may avoid this by giving your partner a chance to align with your truth by letting them know where you really stand. The ball is in their court as to how they react. How they respond will show you how true they are to you and indicate their commitment to supporting and serving your needs at the highest levels. This is what true partnership is about. We grow and change and need partners that are flexible enough to realign while continuing to hold our hands as we walk the same path.

    Standing in your truth shows respect for yourself and demonstrates that you are upholding high standards. It’s always a good thing to have high standards. This is at the core of my advice to people in many situations. Take the high road and give others the opportunity to align to your truth. If they don’t, they may not be ready for reasons that may not have anything to do with you and everything to do with their willingness to grow and to be open to change.

    If you hide your true feelings or project a false self, they will think they are aligning with the true you, and can feel betrayed if you break up under pretenses of which they were unaware. Additionally, you will never have the chance to see if they were capable of making the adjustments necessary to preserve the relationship.

    Consider starting with recognizing and accepting your own truth about what you need and want in your life, then give those around you the opportunity to align and support you. If they don’t, its their loss, and if they do, you win! Either way, you can rest in a deep assurance that you are following what’s true to you and in your heart.

     
  • 74 Inspiring Friendship Quotes

    74 Inspiring Friendship Quotes

    74 Inspiring Friendship Quotes from The Positivity Blog

    Screen Shot 2016-03-04 at 12.39.08 PMFew things have such a huge impact on happiness and the enjoyment, depth and plain fun of life as the friendships we have. It could be the friendships with our partners, family members, co-workers and the people we have known for a few years now or since we were kids. Or even with people we have never even met at the other side of the world or the pets we love. So I’d like to share some of the best advice on this topic from the people who have walked this earth over the past hundreds and thousands of years. This is 74 thought-provoking, beautiful, sometimes poignant and sometimes funny quotes on friendship.  

    1. “A real friend is one who walks in when the rest of the world walks out.” – Walter Winchell
    2. “If you live to be 100, I hope I live to be 100 minus 1 day, so I never have to live without you.” – Winnie the Pooh
    3. “I like to listen. I have learned a great deal from listening carefully. Most people never listen.” – Ernest Hemingway
    4. “Friendship is born at that moment when one person says to another, ‘What! You too? I thought I was the only one.” – C.S. Lewis
    5. “True friendship comes when the silence between two people is comfortable.” – David Tyson
    6. “Sweet is the memory of distant friends! Like the mellow rays of the departing sun, it falls tenderly, yet sadly, on the heart.” – Washington Irving
    7. “There’s not a word yet for old friends who’ve just met.” – Jim Henson
    8. “A single rose can be my garden… a single friend, my world.” – Leo Buscaglia
    9. “Don’t make friends who are comfortable to be with. Make friends who will force you to lever yourself up.” – Thomas J. Watson
    10. “You can make more friends in two months by becoming interested in other people than you can in two years by trying to get other people interested in you.” — Dale Carnegie
    11. “A friend is someone who understands your past, believes in your future, and accepts you just the way you are.” – Unknown
    12. “How many slams in an old screen door? Depends how loud you shut it. How many slices in a bread? Depends how thin you cut it. How much good inside a day? Depends how good you live ’em. How much love inside a friend? Depends how much you give ’em.” – Shel Silverstein
    13. “Ultimately the bond of all companionship, whether in marriage or in friendship, is conversation.” – Oscar Wilde
    14. “What you do not want done to yourself, do not do to others.” – Confucius
    15. “A true friend never gets in your way unless you happen to be going down.” – Arnold H. Glasgow
    16. “I don’t need a friend who changes when I change and who nods when I nod; my shadow does that much better.” – Plutarch
    17. “In everyone’s life, at some time, our inner fire goes out. It is then burst into flame by an encounter with another human being. We should all be thankful for those people who rekindle the inner spirit.” – Albert Schweitzer
    18. “The real test of friendship is can you literally do nothing with the other person? Can you enjoy those moments of life that are utterly simple?” – Eugene Kennedy
    19. “A loyal friend laughs at your jokes when they’re not so good, and sympathizes with your problems when they’re not so bad.” – Arnold H. Glasgow
    20. “It is not a lack of love, but a lack of friendship that makes unhappy marriages.” – Friedrich Nietzsche
    21. “Friendship is the hardest thing in the world to explain. It’s not something you learn in school. But if you haven’t learned the meaning of friendship, you really haven’t learned anything.” – Muhammad Ali
    22. “If ever there is tomorrow when we’re not together… there is something you must always remember. You are braver than you believe, stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think. But the most important thing is, even if we’re apart… I’ll always be with you.” – Winnie the Pooh
    23. “Growing apart doesn’t change the fact that for a long time we grew side by side; our roots will always be tangled. I’m glad for that.” – Ally Condie
    24. “One’s friends are that part of the human race with which one can be human.” – George Santayana
    25. “For beautiful eyes, look for the good in others; for beautiful lips, speak only words of kindness; and for poise, walk with the knowledge that you are never alone.” — Audrey Hepburn
    26. “Be slow to fall into friendship; but when thou art in, continue firm & constant.”’ – Socrates
    27. “One measure of friendship consists not in the number of things friends can discuss, but in the number of things they need no longer mention.” – Clifton Fadiman
    28. “Never idealize others. They will never live up to your expectations. Don’t over-analyze your relationships. Stop playing games. A growing relationship can only be nurtured by genuineness. “ – Leo F. Buscaglia
    29. “Tis the privilege of friendship to talk nonsense, and to have her nonsense respected.” – Charles Lamb
    30. “Let us be grateful to the people who make us happy; they are the charming gardeners who make our souls blossom.” – Marcel Proust
    31. “If you go looking for a friend, you’re going to find they’re very scarce. If you go out to be a friend, you’ll find them everywhere.” – Zig Ziglar
    32. “In the End, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends.” – Martin Luther King, Jr.
    33. “You can always tell a real friend: when you’ve made a fool of yourself he doesn’t feel you’ve done a permanent job.” – Laurence J. Peter
    34. “Keep away from those who try to belittle your ambitions. Small people always do that, but the really great make you believe that you too can become great.” – Mark Twain
    35. “Flatter me, and I may not believe you. Criticize me, and I may not like you. Ignore me, and I may not forgive you. Encourage me, and I will not forget you. Love me and I may be forced to love you.” – William Arthur Ward
    36. “No person is your friend who demands your silence, or denies your right to grow.” – Alice Walker
    37. “Friendship is the only cement that will ever hold the world together.” – Woodrow T. Wilson
    38. “Friends are those rare people who ask how we are and then wait to hear the answer.” – Ed Cunningham
    39. “Anybody can sympathize with the sufferings of a friend, but it requires a very fine nature to sympathize with a friend’s success.” – Oscar Wilde
    40. “Some of the biggest challenges in relationships come from the fact that most people enter a relationship in order to get something: they’re trying to find someone who’s going to make them feel good. In reality, the only way a relationship will last is if you see your relationship as a place that you go to give, and not a place that you go to take.” — Anthony Robbins
    41. “The most beautiful discovery true friends make is that they can grow separately without growing apart.” – Elisabeth Foley
    42. “There’s one sad truth in life I’ve found While journeying east and west – The only folks we really wound Are those we love the best. We flatter those we scarcely know, We please the fleeting guest, And deal full many a thoughtless blow To those who love us best.” – Ella Wheeler Wilcox
    43. “Lots of people want to ride with you in the limo, but what you want is someone who will take the bus with you when the limo breaks down.” — Oprah Winfrey
    44. “Do not keep on with a mockery of friendship after the substance is gone — but part, while you can part friends. Bury the carcass of friendship: it is not worth embalming.” – William Hazlitt
    45. “A good friend can tell you what is the matter with you in a minute. He may not seem such a good friend after telling.” – Arthur Brisbane
    46. “A good word is an easy obligation; but not to speak ill requires only our silence; which costs us nothing.” — John Tillotson
    47. “When you stop expecting people to be perfect, you can like them for who they are.” – Donald Miller
    48. “Each friend represents a world in us, a world possibly not born until they arrive, and it is only by this meeting that a new world is born.” – Anais Nin
    49. “If you make friends with yourself you will never be alone.” – Maxwell Maltz
    50. “A true friend is someone who thinks that you are a good egg even though he knows that you are slightly cracked.” – Bernard Meltzer
    51. “The greatest compliment that was ever paid me was when someone asked me what I thought, and attended to my answer.” — Henry David Thoreau
    52. “Many a person has held close, throughout their entire lives, two friends that always remained strange to one another, because one of them attracted by virtue of similarity, the other by difference.” – Emil Ludwig
    53. “People are lonely because they build walls instead of bridges.” — Joseph F. Newton Men
    54. “Friendship is like a glass ornament, once it is broken it can rarely be put back together exactly the same way.” – Charles Kingsley
    55. “A friend knows the song in my heart and sings it to me when my memory fails.” – Donna Roberts
    56. “There is nothing better than a friend, unless it is a friend with chocolate. “ – Linda Grayson
    57. “It is the friends you can call up at 4 a.m. that matter.” – Marlene Dietrich
    58. “Sometimes being a friend means mastering the art of timing. There is a time for silence. A time to let go and allow people to hurl themselves into their own destiny. And a time to prepare to pick up the pieces when it’s all over.” – Gloria Naylor
    59. “There is magic in long-distance friendships. They let you relate to other human beings in a way that goes beyond being physically together and is often more profound.” – Diana Cortes
    60. “Someone to tell it to is one of the fundamental needs of human beings.” — Miles Franklin
    61. “It is not so much our friends’ help that helps us, as the confidence of their help.” – Epicurus
    62. “Whenever you’re in conflict with someone, there is one factor that can make the difference between damaging your relationship and deepening it. That factor is attitude.” – William James
    63. “The tender friendships one gives up, on parting, leave their bite on the heart, but also a curious feeling of a treasure somewhere buried.” – Antoine de Saint-Exupéry
    64. “Do I not destroy my enemies when I make them my friends?” – Abraham Lincoln
    65. “A friend is a person with whom I may be sincere. Before him I may think aloud. I am arrived at last in the presence of a man so real and equal, that I may drop even those undermost garments of dissimulation, courtesy, and second thought, which men never put off, and may deal with him with the simplicity and wholeness with which one chemical atom meets another.” – Ralph Waldo Emerson
    66. “Life is partly what we make it, and partly what it is made by the friends we choose.” – Tennessee Williams
    67. “If it’s very painful for you to criticize your friends — you’re safe in doing it. But if you take the slightest pleasure in it, that’s the time to hold your tongue.” – Alice Duer Miller
    68. “The best time to make friends is before you need them.” – Ethel Barrymore
    69. “In the sweetness of friendship let there be laughter, for in the dew of little things the heart finds its morning and is refreshed.” – Khalil Gibran
    70. “They may forget what you said, but they will never forget how you made them feel.” — Carl W. Buechner
    71. “Truly great friends are hard to find, difficult to leave, and impossible to forget.” – Unknown
    72. “The royal road to a man’s heart is to talk to him about the things he treasures most.” — Dale Carnegie
    73. “Don’t walk in front of me; I may not follow. Don’t walk behind me; I may not lead. Just walk beside me and be my friend.” – Albert Camus
    74. “To the world you may be just one person, but to one person you may be the world.” – Brandi Snyder

    From The Positivity Blog

  • Grateful on Mother’s Day – Free Song 4 U

    Grateful on Mother’s Day – Free Song 4 U

    Written By Chandra Lynn

    GRATEFUL SONG BY GABE & KAI ECHEVERRIA
    Song Written by Nimo Patel

    This marks my 10th year as a mom. What!? Time really does fly, and I am in awe of how much I have grown in one decade. My son Kai has pushed out my limits on how much I can love to the point where there are NO LIMITS. I now recognize my ability to love is infinite!

    momsdayAs a result of this awareness, I’ve opened my heart to new relationships and deepened connections with friends and family to the point where I am personally nourished each and every time I can be of service to them. Sometimes I’m able to support them by offering wisdom that unsticks them from their situation and accelerates their growth. Sometimes I just hold the proverbial basket so they can vent, find a release and listen to themselves. Other times, I provide a mirror so they can see aspects of their selves that need to be nurtured or healed.

    Whether you’re a mom or not, I imagine there is something you have mothered (or fathered)…a pet, a plant, a sibling or other relative…or maybe your own inner child. And if you really haven’t had experience with this, you may have appreciation for your own mom, grandma or caregiver that represents the mothering aspect that is in all of us.

    Music is an incredibly powerful force for eliciting emotions and my gift to you is Glow’s current theme song ‘Grateful’ performed and re-recorded by Gabe & Kai Echeverria (the original is by the amazing Nimo Patel/Empty Hands Music). I’m not sure if its because its my son singing it or the message in the lyrics or the combo, but it brings tears of joy to me every single time I listen to it. I hope it moves you as well and helps you bring forth the state of gratitude so that you can share my joy more intimately.

    Happy Mother’s Day to all!