fbpx

The 51% Rule

The 51% Rule – Boundaries are Your Friend

By Chandra Lynn

A friend reminded me today of my 51% rule. Have you ever felt like you are doing more to help your partner then they are to help themselves? Sometimes it just seems easier to take control and get things done on your own than ask your partner to do their part. And they may be completely happy with having you take care of business. But after all while, you may find that you lead in all ways in the relationship, and start feeling overwhelmed and tired of being the one to handle everything.

To prevent this from happening, I recommend each partner agree to carry A MINIMUM OF 51% of the work load on their end. When someone is doing AT LEAST 51% of the work for their own life, things will stay more balanced. Helping somebody with 49% of their work is still a lot when it comes to managing someone else’s stuff. I could even argue that is too high of a percentage. However, if someone needs you to help them with an area of their life, and you are feeling happy to do it, consider making sure they understand that you will only take on a maximum of 49% of the tasks that need to be accomplished.

I learned this the hard way. I saw a former partner struggling with his career, so I jumped into immediate action. Being a fledgling marketing consultant, I was actually excited to put my skills to work for him. Without him asking me, I built him all the marketing materials that he needed to present himself in a more professional way. At the end of it, he was grateful but didn’t really leverage it to the extent that I had hoped. I could see that the struggles in his career had more to do with his ambition then it had to do with his ability to present him self in a professional way. As a result, even with the new materials, he did not apply himself, and I felt like all the work I did to support him was for nothing. I distinctly remember going to a diner and telling him that I needed to see him doing at least 51% of the work to reach his goals for his life. And, I would be happy to do whatever I could to support him, but I needed to see him applying himself more than I was putting in to help him.

Jumping in to help a partner is a noble thing, but I can also enable bad behavior in your partner. There is nothing wrong with being supportive, but you have to be careful with behaviors that lead them to where you think is best for them before they have even asked for help.

The friend who reminded me of this was looking back at her life and realizing that she has always done the majority of the work in the relationship, and her partner was happy to have her do it. However, he started taking advantage of the fact that she provided so much with little appreciation or awareness of the effort involved.

If you feel overwhelmed with all that you have to do for yourself, your partner, your kids and other people in your life, ask yourself whether you feel your partner is stepping up to their full potential and supporting you in the way that you need them to. If they’re not and you’re enabling them to kick back, please consider that your standards are not high enough for yourself in terms of expecting a partner to do their share. Ask specifically for what you need from them, and make sure you get their agreement before creating new expectations that they will deliver.

Everyone needs to feel useful, needed, purposeful and that they bring value to a relationship. This post is to remind you that you can do this by supporting your partner and those around you, as long as you set healthy boundaries and set reasonable expectations with your partner to do a minimum of 51% of the work in their own life.

0 Comments

Leave a reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

*

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

RELATED ARTICLES

Take the quiz to learn the hidden forces driving your decisions

Great Decisions = Great Life!

Learn the Hidden Forces Behind Your Decision-making and Quality of Life Our decisions contribute greatly to the quality of our lives. Although most people make the best decisions they can, there are six hidden forces that are driving our decisions and largely responsible for whether we’re happy. Uncovering them has helped many people improve their lives and I want you in on it now so that

Read More »

Facebook Live Video: Why Root-to-Rise for Life Transformation in the New Year

Root-to-Rise Self-help for New Year life Transformation Goals Chandra Lynn goes live on Facebook to talk about how the Root-to-Rise online course can help you with your life transformation goals and aspirations for the New Year which can seem lofty. Watch the video to learn about how the Root-to-Rise framework for unblocking yourself and meeting your needs in healthy ways

Read More »

Glowing with Gratitude

My heart glows with love and gratitude for you…following, engaging, striving, caring and giving back. Thank you from the core of my being for being present in my life and participating in my life’s calling…to help people love life. I’ve found the key to loving life is balancing your roots (career, relationships, health, family and friends), and rising up with

Read More »

CONTACT US

Send us an email and we'll get back to you shortly.

Sending

Join the Glow Living Newsletter





Get our free Glow Living newsletter & event invitations!





Log in with your credentials

or    

Forgot your details?

Create Account