I got published! I’m excited to share this article I wrote for The Six Figure Coach Magazine called Defining Your Path to Success about consciously creating your roadmap to success and fulfillment. Here is the SlideShare of the whole article. If you want to read the full magazine, get a free subscription at https://thesixfigurecoach.com/
The 51% Rule – Boundaries are Your Friend
By Chandra Lynn
A friend reminded me today of my 51% rule. Have you ever felt like you are doing more to help your partner then they are to help themselves? Sometimes it just seems easier to take control and get things done on your own than ask your partner to do their part. And they may be completely happy with having you take care of business. But after all while, you may find that you lead in all ways in the relationship, and start feeling overwhelmed and tired of being the one to handle everything.
To prevent this from happening, I recommend each partner agree to carry A MINIMUM OF 51% of the work load on their end. When someone is doing AT LEAST 51% of the work for their own life, things will stay more balanced. Helping somebody with 49% of their work is still a lot when it comes to managing someone else’s stuff. I could even argue that is too high of a percentage. However, if someone needs you to help them with an area of their life, and you are feeling happy to do it, consider making sure they understand that you will only take on a maximum of 49% of the tasks that need to be accomplished.
I learned this the hard way. I saw a former partner struggling with his career, so I jumped into immediate action. Being a fledgling marketing consultant, I was actually excited to put my skills to work for him. Without him asking me, I built him all the marketing materials that he needed to present himself in a more professional way. At the end of it, he was grateful but didn’t really leverage it to the extent that I had hoped. I could see that the struggles in his career had more to do with his ambition then it had to do with his ability to present him self in a professional way. As a result, even with the new materials, he did not apply himself, and I felt like all the work I did to support him was for nothing. I distinctly remember going to a diner and telling him that I needed to see him doing at least 51% of the work to reach his goals for his life. And, I would be happy to do whatever I could to support him, but I needed to see him applying himself more than I was putting in to help him.
Jumping in to help a partner is a noble thing, but I can also enable bad behavior in your partner. There is nothing wrong with being supportive, but you have to be careful with behaviors that lead them to where you think is best for them before they have even asked for help.
The friend who reminded me of this was looking back at her life and realizing that she has always done the majority of the work in the relationship, and her partner was happy to have her do it. However, he started taking advantage of the fact that she provided so much with little appreciation or awareness of the effort involved.
If you feel overwhelmed with all that you have to do for yourself, your partner, your kids and other people in your life, ask yourself whether you feel your partner is stepping up to their full potential and supporting you in the way that you need them to. If they’re not and you’re enabling them to kick back, please consider that your standards are not high enough for yourself in terms of expecting a partner to do their share. Ask specifically for what you need from them, and make sure you get their agreement before creating new expectations that they will deliver.
Everyone needs to feel useful, needed, purposeful and that they bring value to a relationship. This post is to remind you that you can do this by supporting your partner and those around you, as long as you set healthy boundaries and set reasonable expectations with your partner to do a minimum of 51% of the work in their own life.
Where Are Your Friends on Your Intimacy Ladder?
By Chandra Lynn
Have you ever had a bestie that you talked to you almost every day and now you’re not as close to as you used to be? That disconnection can cause you pain and make you question the relationship and what you mean to them now (and vice versa). There are lots of reasons why our relationships with our friends change over time. Sometimes we come together when we’re single and have lots of time to invest in each other, and then one gets into a relationship that soaks up their available time. Sometimes it’s hard to invest while juggling a job, kids, romantic relationship and more, leaving less time for friends.
This is all understandable, but the problem lies in not communicating the change of expectations in the relationship. We can take friends for granted, thinking that they’ll just be there when we have time. But actually, it can be hurtful to friends when we’re there one minute and disappear the next. Some friends are casual about it and it feels like no time has passed after not seeing each other for a long period of time. Other friends get really hurt by our lack of availability and can feel abandoned. You may have felt this way too and can relate.
This happens a lot when two single people spend a lot of time together and one gets into a relationship and is no longer available. The single friend is still as available as (s)he always was though and needs to be reassured that your need for change doesn’t diminish what they mean to you.
It’s totally natural for a relationship to go through changes, but it really helps when you lead a discussion about the change and seek to create a renewed agreement about the basis of the friendship and what each of you can offer, including time commitments. How possible is it to check in every day, week, month or year?
There are a couple of things that you can do to prevent degradation in the relationship. The first thing is to communicate verbally or in writing what that person truly means to you and what they’ve given to your life. That provides them reassurance that they are valuable to you and you don’t want them to disappear from your life and you don’t plan to event abandon them in any way, shape, or form.
The second thing that you can do is consider changing their status on your relationship ladder. For years, you could have thought of them as your number one friend and placed them on the very top of your relationship ladder. Then, all of a sudden, they are no longer available to you the way they were due to life circumstances, and you feel hurt. What can you do? You can consider changing their status on your ladder. Moving a friend down a couple of rungs on the ladder does not mean that you don’t care about them anymore. It means that you change the expectations for that friendship and adjust them to meet the current status based on what’s going on in life. When you feel hurt, it’s easy to think of just throwing a friend off the ladder entirely, but it’s really not necessary in most cases. Unless a friend has intentionally hurt you or intended you harm, all you really need to do is lower them a couple of rungs on the ladder while both of you are doing your own thing, and check-in with them from time to time to see if they want to update the blueprint for the relationship.
Sometimes, you have to jockey more than one friend’s position on your ladder. There are occasions in life where you reach a point that older friendships are outdated and just not serving you to lift your highest potential. There is nothing wrong with this, and it should actually be embraced as a healthy part of evaluating the value of your relationships, and how much you’ve grown and evolved.
One of my very best friends from high school has moved around on my ladder to the point where she’s probably touched every rung. There were times that we were inseparable and there were years that we never talked at all. I’m happy to say that we see each other on a regular basis now. What kept us connected all these years is consistent communication of a mutual desire to stay connected even when time goes by and we can’t see each other.
I have another bestie that I’ve known since the sixth grade and she lives in another state. We’ve spent more time apart then together. We managed to stay connected and now consider ourselves to become full-fledge sisters. We flew across the country to see each other during crisis times and for major celebrations like graduation. We sent cards when snail mail became practically obsolete. We are even connected on a psychic level now.
If a relationship with a friend isn’t working, consider changing their status on your relationship ladder instead of throwing them off entirely. You connected with them for some reason initially, and you may find them valuable in your friend circle once your expectations are adjusted. With that said, there are times when a relationship is not healthy and should be let go. Consider the most graceful exit you can under those circumstances and always take the high road.
My friends have meant everything to me and I fostered those relationships over many many years. Although I don’t actively seek friends, I am open to new connections that resonate on a higher vibration and they are being attracted. I love my friends and will do everything to protect and preserve these precious connections, starting with communicating what I want out of the relationship and seeking agreements about what to expect from one another which informs where we are on each other’s ladder. I also invite them to let me know if my expectations need to change, and I make sure they know what’s in my heart.
Who is on your ladder and is the current status working for you, or does it need a little adjusting?
Letting Go and Staying Grateful Led to Cancer Recovery
Musician & Drummer for Infected Mushroom Rogerio Jardim Shares His Cancer Journey
Have you ever gone to a party and got to talking with someone who captivates you with their life story? I recently met new found Glow Circles member Rogerio Jardim, a Brazilian musician who, for the last 10 years, performs as the drummer for electronic music revolutionaries Infected Mushroom, and he blew me away with is story about surviving lymphoma.
I’ve had four super close people in my life get cancer and two survived and two passed away. Not great statistics. I’ve witnessed the challenges up close and understand the fear and anxiety it can create. What fascinates me about Rogerio is how he dealt with these aspects as he faced the potential of dying from his deadly disease.
Check out my video call with him that covers his journey with cancer, the life lessons that came from his experience, and how he feels it transformed him into an even better person today. Its been three years since his last cancer treatment and he is glowing! He is back on the road with Infected Mushroom but is also working on his solo record and drum lesson videos for aspiring drummers.
Rogerio embodies the Glow Living lifestyle which to me means that “I am willing to face life challenges; grow from my experiences and the wisdom of others; and create an empowering life story that inspires and contributes beyond myself.”
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About Rogerio Jardim
Drummer, Singer, Composer. Drummer of the electronic band Infected Mushroom. Rogerio’s performing credits include Stewart Copeland, Armand Sabal-Lecco, Bebel Gilberto, Vinx, Toninho Horta, Sergio Mendes, Carlinhos Brown, Naked Eyes, Bad Haggis, Alphonso Johnson, Infected Mushroom and others.
Learn more about Rogerio at https://www.rogerio-jardim.com
About Infected Mushroom
Renowned for being the sonic innovators of crafting hypnotic arrangements, Infected Mushroom are hailed for their complex layered melodies and synthetic rhythms known as “Psychedelic Trance”.
To check out the band’s site, visit https://www.infected-mushroom.com
Written By Chandra Lynn
Music Emerging Blog’s founder Cynthia Brando writes…
In my quest to find resources out there to help me stay focused and positive-I met Chandra Lynn. She was conducting a live interview at NAMM-a major music convention in Anaheim, California. It was for her “Lessons Learned” series, an inspiring interview series with folks discussing often difficult topics and how they overcame them and included interviews with people in the music industry. As a musician struggling in this tough business, I found them very inspiring and checked out her website, Glow Living, for more. Besides the “Lessons Learned” series, I found all sorts of inspiration, and have linked Chandra’s blog on health and wellness to our Music Emerging database of inspirational websites. I talked with Chandra about Glow Living, specific supports for those in the music industry, and her new program, “Root-to-Rise.”
Read the full article on Music Emerging Blog here.
Every musician experiences ups and downs on the road of life, but you can avoid big pitfalls by taking other people’s advice to heart. In this session, Chandra Lynn takes her “Lessons Learned” video interview series to the NAMM Idea Center’s live stage for hard-won wisdom from legendary drummer Omar Hakim (Sting, David Bowie, Journey and Madonna) and keyboardist Rachel Z (Peter Gabriel, Vertu with Stanley Clarke and Lenny White, and Pino Daniele). This interview explores their experience with auditioning for gigs, leveraging endorsements, honing technical chops, and staying healthy and balanced on the road.
Glow Living (www.glowliving.com) is excited to announce the expansion of its Lessons Learned series to provide a first-ever live interview at The NAMM Show 2017 featuring elite drummer Omar Hakim (Sting, David Bowie, Journey, Madonna) and pianist extraordinaire Rachel Z (Peter Gabriel, Wayne Shorter, Steps Ahead, Vertu). Glow Living’s host Chandra Lynn, an MI marketing veteran and certified coach (Tony Robbins – Cloe Madanes Center for Strategic Intervention), will moderate the interview to share their hard-won wisdom on Sunday, January 22 from 11 am – 12 pm from the NAMM Idea Center stage inside the Anaheim Convention Center. This interview will explore their experience with auditioning for gigs, leveraging endorsements, honing technical chops, and staying healthy and balanced on the road and as partners in life.
“Every musician experiences ups and downs on the road of life,” states Lynn. “Now, people can avoid big pitfalls by learning from them and taking their advice to heart. I’m fortunate to have built trusting relationships with many influential and dynamic people throughout my career in the music industry, and I’m calling on them now to give everyone insider access to their experience and insights through Glow Living’s Lessons Learned Series.”
“Hosting Chandra’s ‘Lessons Learned’ series live at the NAMM Idea Center brings an exciting addition to the last day of The 2017 NAMM Show,” said Zach Phillips, NAMM’s director of professional development. “With Omar Hakim and Rachel Z joining her, you can expect insight, hard-earned wisdom and inspiration from this not-to-miss hour.”
Currently, Lessons Learned interviews are available online from guitar great Steve Vai, Reggae legends Pato Banton and Antoinette Rootsdawtah, Grammy-mixer/producer Dave Isaac, Infected Mushroom drummer Rogerio Jardim, and more.
“Glow Living’s Lessons Learned Interview Series is my way of bridging over 20 years in the music business with my passion for personal growth and healthy living,” explains Lynn. “I hope this series will help inspire people to love life, and let them see that everyone struggles with issues that they can overcome by learning from others on how to break through.”
Follow the series at glowliving.com/lessons-learned or subscribe to Glow Living’s YouTube Channel at youtube.com/c/glowliving.
For more information including media resources and sponsorship opportunities, please visit https://glowliving.com/media-resources/ or contact us at info@glowliving.com.
About Omar Hakim
Widely-acclaimed for his versatility, technological prowess and groove, Omar Hakim is one of the most successful drummers and session men of the past 40 years. Omar has collaborated with dozens of prominent artists including David Bowie, Sting, Miles Davis, Kate Bush, Bruce Springsteen, Michael Jackson, Celine Dion, Jewel, J-Lo, Dire Straits, Mariah Carey, and Madonna to name a few, and has left his imprint on hundreds of recordings, including several under his own name.
www.omarhakim.com
About Rachel Z
Rachel Nicolazzo, better known as Rachel Z, is a jazz and rock keyboardist. Her first solo album, Trust the Universe (Columbia, 1993) yielded the smooth jazz hit “Nardis”. The next year, she provided keyboards and orchestration on Wayne Shorter’s album High Life, which won the Grammy Award for Best Contemporary Jazz Album. She then joined jazz fusion veterans Stanley Clarke and Lenny White in the band Vertú. In 2002, she recorded Moon at the Window, a tribute to Joni Mitchell, and went on to form the rock group Peacebox, work with Italian pop singer Pino Daniele, and tour with Peter Gabriel. In 2010, she and drummer/husband Omar Hakim formed the group Trio of OZ and the label OZmosis Records.
www.rachelz.com
Tags: personal growth, personal development, healthy living, self-help, self-improvement, coaching, psychology, mindfulness, spirituality, mental health, music industry, well-being, physical well-being, health, fitness, nutrition, beauty, relationships, yoga, meditation, lifestyle, start up, entrepreneur, empowerment, happiness, music, motivation, inspiration, drums, piano, keyboards, lessons learned, glow living, chandra lynn, omar hakim, rachel z
Glow Circles Member Josh Hart Stopped Heroin and Started yogaffordable.com
Read Josh’s Journey and Check Out This Beautiful Resource for Recovering Souls Who Need a Bit of Light
Josh’s Journey
As an adopted child growing up I always felt out of place, never fully in my skin. I was diagnosed with cerebral palsy when I was born and for the first 5 years of my life I spent it in physical therapy. I became stronger and more flexible and unlike the doctors told my mother I did not end up in a wheelchair.
I became interested in music and dance and joined various theater programs which provided an outlet for self expression. I was molested when I was 14 by a backstage worker in one of my shows. It lasted for about 8 months until I finally found a way to speak up.
Over the next 10 years I struggled with heroin addiction to numb myself from the outside world. Slowly friends disappeared, Jobs let me go, and my bank account was reduced to zero. I sold my body for drugs and a place to sleep. For months I lived out of a backpack on the streets.
Then one night I met someone. Someone who didn’t want to use me like all the other men I tried to find safety in. This one didn’t want to hurt but wanted to help me. The love felt unconditional and soon I was left with a choice. I found myself having to choose between my old life style and new way, an honest way of life. This beautiful soul supported me through extreme withdrawal from the drugs cold turkey. But ultimately it was my willpower to change that got my through those very dark months.
It took about a solid year of 12 step meetings, weekly therapy, and exercise until I began to feel like myself again. I was able to address my pain and trauma that I had buried for so long. After working my 12th step I craved a better understanding of who I was. I wanted to go deeper, get connected to soul self that I had run away from. That’s when I found yoga.
I remember going to my first yoga class. Stepping on to my matt and creating an energy field of safety, protection, determination and most of all forgiveness. Yoga taught me how to surrender into the pain. To not be afraid of all the parts of my dark and light. That each part of me served a purpose. I learned how to fully accept myself as I am.
The philosophy of yoga teaches its practitioner to live by a set of principles, similar to the principles of the 12 steps. I began to adapt with these covenants of honestly, transparency, vulnerably, and the importance of service to others. The practice of this beautiful philosophy taught me that I can not keep what I have without giving it away.
My trauma had a purpose, my pain could be turned into love and support for another in need. Like my beautiful partner who should be unconditional love, who was able to see through my addicted self, the light that was always inside burning, yearning to be let free. I have been on this recovery journey for 5 years now, evolving every day into my true spiritual self.
It has not been a easy road, and I have fallen here and there. But the yoga always leads me back to center. The practice only teaches me acceptance and non judgment towards all parts good and bad. Yoga teaches self exploration, self awareness, and most of all that you have a choice. I learned through practice that I am not my mind or the thoughts, that I am the observer of the thoughts. That I can not control the feed that goes on but I can control my reaction to the thoughts.
Yoga taught me about the importance of intention, and the willingness to stay grounded in the chaos of life. That nothing stays the same forever only the deepest parts of you remain consistent. I believe in law of attraction, the power of energy, our thoughts and words creating our future one moment at time. I know that I am meant to share this practice to others.
Support Josh’s Go Fund Me Campaign
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By Chandra Lynn
Eight hundred entrepreneurs packed a ballroom for four extremely long days, and I not only was one of them, but I was one of the ones that played full out! The timing was perfect because I launched glowliving.com on the first day of the Academy and was ready to learn everything I could on how to best serve my new community.
As I sat in the uncomfortable, tightly-packed seats, I buzzed with excitement for all that I was learning but also from seeing the new member signups to Glow Circles rolling in! I was doing exactly what Brendon was encouraging.
In my heart, I launched the site knowing I was on the right track but I still had fear about whether I was able to attract an audience, deliver a depth of content that served to the highest of my abilities, and find a way to monetize so I can continue doing this as my purpose-filled life’s work.
Driving home from the conference, however, I became overwhelmed with emotions of hope and complete confidence for what’s coming next. Listen here:
My 5 Takeaways:
Needless to say, I’m here! I’m doing this! And you’re here too…thank you and stay tuned!
How To Create Your Ultimate Relationship
Valentine’s Day might be over, but cultivating passion in your relationship should be an ongoing adventure. A sexy, exciting partnership takes focus and dedication to create — and it will light up every part of your life.
Whether you’re single or committed, these 5 Disciplines of Love will help you create a relationship full of earth-shaking excitement, joy and passion.
1. The Discipline of Unconditional Love & Compassion
Always put your lover first—it’s not about you! When you fully develop the skill of heartfelt understanding, you become conscious of your partner’s inner life. Rather than being an observer and critic, you feel what they feel and you will discover the deepest pleasure in your relationship—sexual and otherwise.
2. The Discipline of Absolute Courage & Vulnerability
Love no matter what and commit to absolute truth. Be present for your lover even during the most painful situations. Don’t just be physically present, be fully present– giving your lover your undivided focus. Any time you lose trust, interest or commitment, you drift closer to behaviors of criticism and rejection. Stay connected! Cultivate your commitment the way you would a precious flower. Your relationship will flourish no matter what your life circumstances may be.
3. The Discipline of Knowing the Truth
Here’s the truth: It’s a no-blame game. There’s an art to expressing mild upset without creating bigger problems. When you let something bother you, your partner will feel blamed. However, when something goes wrong, you must express yourself spontaneously, and from the heart. It’s crucial you set the context carefully for anything you share. Remember to use phrases that avoid blame.
4. The Discipline of Telling Yourself the Truth
Commit to moment-to-moment awareness of the impact of your state. If the basis of trust is confidence in your partner, then you must begin with confidence in yourself. Without it, you cannot induce lasting trust in others. When you can be yourself, others will perceive that and build trust in you. Hold true to the generosity of your highest intentions.
5. The Discipline of Giving Freedom
The power of forgiving, forgetting and flooding. Why drag along the baggage of past mistakes? Whenever we have painful experiences, we can learn from them or use them to punish ourselves or others. People often blame their partners for past misdeeds. If you want passion, set your partner free. See their mistake from their perspective. Consciously harness the good in life to bring greater pleasure and intimacy.
We sometimes will pick the devil that we know over the devil we don’t, just because we’re less fearful of it. Change is often one of our greatest needs.
Chandra Lynn recently shared this amazing discussion with The Light Inside host, Jeffrey Besecker, exploring how the need for change is such a driving force in discovering our roots, allowing us to grow and rise. We are all on a course seeking change- our evolution. The great unfolding of our becoming what is necessary to change a person- is to change his awareness of himself. As Human beings- we all feel a certain pull, driving us towards basic wants, desires and needs. Having needs is not evidence of weakness – it is, at its core- to simply be human.
Three things are needed for humanity to co-exist:
Truth, peace and basic needs. Everything else – Is irrelevant.
We are all on a course seeking change- our evolution. The great unfolding of our becoming what is necessary to change a person is to change his awareness of himself.
This year has been a doozy and it can feel inauthentic to celebrate it. While decorating our home super early (anyone else?), my son called me a Grinch! At first, I got defensive and then I realized that I was definitely giving off Grinch vibes!! I was feeling the weight of the world in a pandemic.
“4:00, wallow in self-pity. 4:30, stare into the abyss. 5:00, solve world hunger, tell no one. 5:30, jazzercize; 6:30, dinner with me. I can’t cancel that again. 7:00, wrestle with my self-loathing. I’m booked. Of course, if I bump the loathing to 9, I could still be done in time to lay in bed, stare at the ceiling and slip slowly into madness.” — The Grinch
Then it occurred to me that I had an important choice to make. I could stay weighted down or rise above it all to celebrate all that I have to be grateful for. Hmmmmm, let me think. ; ) Just kidding, if you know me, then you know my answer is always to rise!
If you want to rise with me, here are some ideas for how to lighten up when it all feels so heavy…
The holidays can add extra stress so you’ll have to find ways to enjoy them. It’s likely you are not able to do them the same way this year so let go of those expectations and make it fun to break traditions by embracing radical new ways of celebrating. Go with what your heart calls you to do and let go of anything that feels like an obligation. Blame the pandemic if you have to. Do it your way this year!
What is your vision for a good holiday this year?
Create it with your loved ones. You’re a leader and, most likely, they will follow and help you create it if they understand why it’s important to you. Ask them for input on how to make it special for them too because people support what they help create. Together, you may just find new ways of celebrating and new traditions to take into the future.
For more, watch this video update:
Make sure to subscribe to the Glow Living channel on YouTube!